My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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