I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
