Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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