I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
