and you said cock pushups were impossible
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Randomize
