New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
