cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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