I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
