it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
