I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
