omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
"it" just moved
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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