I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
