i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
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