I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
We had sex on a dog bed..
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I supernannyed him into submission
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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