my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
