Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
