Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
