Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
