Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
