this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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