toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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