I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
