im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
