How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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