Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
