I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
