and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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