she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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