We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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