if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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