it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
