So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
