it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
