once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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