When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
