My first STD was from a foam party
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
