I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
