Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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