we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
