my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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