YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
