Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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