Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
