Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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