I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
