Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
