I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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