I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
