He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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