Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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