headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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