I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
