At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
