Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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