i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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