we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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