Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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