I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
jump out the window naked night went bad
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
