New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
