yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
